Things to Read

Hey. Don't give up. The world is slowly getting better.

It's taking me several days of background processing, but it all hit me this morning, this particular moment from Monday night at the RSCDS Boston AGM. Because in the process of thanking me for my service to the branch/exec, especially vis-a-vis gender stuff, Linda McJ accidentally let a "she" slip out.

And like a dozen? so many more than just me, resigned, half under my breath! people chanted "they" at her in response and she apologized and kept going and holy wow, there were enough voices, distributed enough through the crowd that there's no way this was just a few of my weird queer friends. This was a lot of you.

This group of largely non-queer dancers made sure to keep my pronouns correct. And yeah sure fine, some of them collectively don't always get what that means, like, I know for some people it's "Kat's a girl with a weird preference" and not actually any understanding of genderqueerness. But they're respecting that weird preference. They're taking the first step forward, the one that opens you up to being able to understand more later, and they're taking actions that respect me.

It's been a, uh, _wild_ week as we close out the school year and I haven't had space to process this proper --I don't even really have that space or time now, but it struck like a bolt as I was getting ready, and so I'm taking these five minutes to write this and cry a little.

Because maybe the hobby I love so much can actually love me back.

~Sor
MOOP!

Most recent entry in "back on my Seeming bullshit" is A Failure of Imagination, because dang, I really like "And this is a love song / Even if it doesn’t sound like one / ‘Cause there’s a lot of strange love / That doesn’t fit into the way love’s done".

I've spent the last two days at work slowly working through all their albums I've bought from Bandcamp, which is most of them at this point. This is partly because I was showing Clayton Workbestie my 2013 ipod that I've found and started carrying around, and he responded with something like "I bet it has happier music". I demurred, but added that I wasn't on my Seeming bullshit then, which got a positive "oh hey dope, you listen to Seeming too?" and then I had to pretend I listen to it a normal amount and not approximately 50% of my music by time this calendar year.

I have not been posting well, because I've been Fuckin' Busy and also because I've been carefully falling apart with the end of the year. There's a lot of "not now" tasks that are about to come absolutely slamming into "now" and I'm kinda struggling to keep track of all of them. I like dreaming of the world where I can actually track things like todo lists.

Yesterday was a really good day though, up until the part where I fell extremely asleep in a weird curled up heap on my bed with the laptop open:

*I restarted a knitting project that hadn't gone immediately perfect (I am genuinely pleased with myself for a: noticing that it wasn't going satisfyingly and taking steps immediately, so I only frogged a couple days worth of work and not longer, and b: making the project Much Harder for myself in a way that felt extremely satisfyingly stupid¹.)

*We're in MCAS hell, which is awful as always, but at least it's the last of the year, and it is giving me lots of bonus prep time to fuck around in my classroom and do nebulously useful things, like work on my knitting but also *some* grading.

*Also it means I can fuck off to the pharmacy before school today, which was good and necessary.

*Yesterday's DnD went SO GOOD! I both _very badly whiffed_ a roll, and then got to do some fun acting/social stuff and then _very much succeeded_ in the killing blow on the big bad we've been chasing after for quite a while. I have forgotten how much I miss having tanky characters and being able to actually like. Do damage to enemies! Anyways, it was real good, and also it was very funny to casually be like "and of course when Josh and Eve visit Boston in a couple weeks we'll all play in person together" and have both of them *and* Scoop be like "wait, that's an amazing idea". Like, y'all!

*Also watching Taskmaster with Tailsteak was Real Good! It always is, but we've missed a couple weeks in a row for various bullshit, so it was really nice to get closer to caught up. We're really enjoying this season! Which I feel like I say every season, but "do something brave" was _fantastic_. I really appreciate that we're having a season where it seems like everyone actually does want to win!

***

Anyways, I probably have other things I ought to be writing about, but I don't remember them because I am perpetually short-changed on sleep. I hope you're doing well!

~Sor
MOOP!

1: Part of me feels I should elaborate, but much more of me feels like, you either get it or you don't.

I decided I wanted to use only half of each colour skein at a time so I unwound every single one of them, carefully so I could find an approximate halfway point, and then cut them there and rewound them. There are definitely both easier and better ways to do this (certainly the best would involve weight rather than length, especially because yarn is kinda stretchy) but it was very satisfying to set up a couple yardsticks taped to my work desk to unwind onto.