Baffled

[marcmagus]

Posted anonymously to the LJ of a good friend and lover:

You need to open your fucking eyes and see how disgusting and emotionally stunted Marc is. He is a waste of fucking life.

I don't know what to make of words like these. Anybody who's talked with me about my relationship (with a lower-case 'r') with said person knows that I'll be the first to admit that there are aspects which I don't think I've handled as well as I wish I had, and that I have worries that I may in the long run cause more pain than I have healed. However, I have chosen to trust her to decide about the latter, and I can't undo the former, only try to learn from it and repair where necessary.

To the author of the quoted vitriol, I hope you'll step forward and help me understand why you think so poorly of me. Why do I disgust you? What causes you to believe me emotionally stunted? Why do you believe the world would be better were I not alive? If you'd prefer to talk privately, I'm willing to do so via any medium, including anonymous e-mail if you'd prefer to retain your anonymity.

I have turned off logging of IP addresses for anonymous posters, so you can feel secure in replying anonymously should you so choose without fear that I will track you down. I wouldn't expect someone who thinks so poorly of me to take me at my word that I wouldn't look.

To my friends, I'm posting this in the hope of improving communication and understanding, not looking for sympathy. Please don't waste time posting anything pointing out the flaws of the anonymous poster of the comment I'm citing; I'm not interested in indulging in hatred. Comments which might help me understand and help me grow are always appreciated, however, as are suggestions for how I can improve things or handle them better in the future.

Comments

[aiglet.livejournal.com]

Well, I wasn't the original poster (that's a really nasty thing to say period, much less to say to a third party about someone else who's going to find out if you're not willing to show your face when you do it), but having seen a couple of your relationships, I can give you one opinion of them.

It seems that sometimes you're not as emotionally giving as the people that you're involved with. That you like having someone around to be your SO, but that it's mostly about having a handy date or someone to make sure that you get to things on time.

I'm sure that's not an accurate portrayal of your relationships. You and I have had some pretty good conversations, and I think that you're a better person than that. You're just not (or rather, you weren't when I was interacting with you in person on a regular basis) particularly demonstrative, and you have a habit of dating people who are very needy, for one reason or another, so it winds up looking like you're being taken care of but not necessarily taking care yourself, even when that's obviously not true to anyone who does more than take a casual glance at what's going on.

That doesn't, to me, explain the vitriol of the original poster, but it's certainly one factor that might lead to a reaction that negative.

hmmm

[mosephine.livejournal.com]

i am 99% certain that the poster was none of your exs, and something in me feels that if not a single one of us feels so strongly, certainly no one else has the right to do so... but perhaps that's just me *shrug*

as for the rest (helping you learn and grow), i'll send an email instead of posting here, because my opinion is only my opinion, and you are the only one who asked for it.

[ladymedb.livejournal.com]

The first set of comments on this page have some accuracy to them, although the childishness of the anonymous insults really does nearly negate their content.